How To Reduce Stress (Part 2)

stress

I watched an Olivier Roland’s video  and I learned good stuff.

If you didn’t read Part 1, click here

3rd step – organize yourself and communicate

organize yourself

 

Organize

Managing your schedule helps limit stress and to do that, here’s what you can do :

  • Prevent an additional 10 to 20 minutes on your travel times.

  • Make a list of priority tasks to do and not to do.

  • Identify bad habits, tasks to eliminate and tasks to delegate.

  • Automatize a maximum of tasks.

  • Focus on taks that immediately bring visible results

  • Avoid to scatter you.

  • Stop these time consuming habits like reading your emails as soon as they arrive of watching your smartphone as soon as there is a notification. Tamagochi  is a toy, not a lifestyle.

  • Do things in their time. Each task, even minimum, must be completed before moving on the next one. This method allows you to improve your concentration and the satisfaction of having completed a task is very motivating.

  • Pause during the day and cultivate your patience. In a situation where you have to wait, take the time to relax instead of sighing and complaining. For example in a queue for a counter, use that : Wait = relax and breathe deeply. Concentrate on yourself in a positive way and on the present moment.

Communicate

  • Stress is often born from the fact that we don’t know what our interlocutors expect from us. We can’t read people’s minds, so don’t hesitate to ask clearly what people expect of you. Dare to ask questions and create a direct communication. Banish your ego and think that you aren’t absolutely right. You can also avoid sensitive topics.

  • Say « no ». If you can’t render a service someone asks you because you have no time or no resources or you don’t want to take additional responsibilities, then explain that to your interlocutor. Your interlocutors will understand the situation and you will find an arrangement. It’s better to say « no » from the start than to force yourself to keep your commitments. With this attitude, you will avoid being overwhelmed.

4th step – turn away or adapt and accept

 

turn away

 

accept

 

  • Avoid the trigger elements of stress. Limit your contact with people who stress you. Be aware of your environment and control that. For example, use an alternative road to avoid traffic jams. Turn off TV to avoid listening to information that makes you anxious. If you did the analysis of 20% of sources that bring you 80% your stress, you know the people that you must see the minimum or eliminate them from your contacts.

  • Adjust yourself by being willing to compromise. Be assertive by adapting your requirements and avoiding perfectionism.

  • Reframe conflicts by analyzing the problem in a positive way. Look at good things and find benefits of the situation. Focus on positive elements.

  • Accept the trigger of stress and admit that you can’t control everything.

  • Looking for opportunities to improve yourself. Concentrate on what this stressful situation can teach you. Follow the principle of this quote : « What doesn’t kill you , make you stronger » and ask yourself these questions : « How can I get better with this experience ? What did I learn ? ».

  • Forgive. Accept that others make mistakes (because you also make mistakes) and try to evacuate any feeling of anger. When you free yourself from all this negative energy, it’s easy to resume your projects.

In summary « The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another » as William James said.

Subscribe to my newsletter and share this article if you think it can help someone you know. Thank you.

-Steph

How To Reduce Stress (Part 1)

stress

I watched an Olivier Roland’s video  and I learned good stuff.

I am doing a synthesis of the Dale Carnegie’s book “How to stop worrying and start living”  and other sources on internet for a blueprint to manages stress in 4 steps.

Stress is about change, it means adapting to the environment of a changing structure. Stress is a feeling triggered by the interpretation of an event. It’s a reaction related to the constraints and the pressure undergone in its environment. Stress can be interpreted as something positive, whether it’s considered a challenge or as something negative, if it’s considered a harmful event.

The truth is that stress is a mistake of reasoning in relation to the attitude or behavior we adopt. This is an answer that isn’t adequate. It’s an alert for mental dysfunction as the body gives us an alert for physical pain. Fortunately, people can learn to control stress in 4 steps : Take a step back and analyze what triggered the stress ; anticipate and visualize ; organize yourself and communicate and turn away or adapt and accept.

1st step – Take a step back and analyze

 

keep calm stress

 

It’s necessary to step back and analyze what triggered the stress. Because before trying to solve that, it’s important to know what caused it. By analyzing what caused the stress, we can avoid certain consequences.

To do that, here’s what you can do :

  • Make a list of sources of annoyance that you have in your family, friends, school, work, transportation, etc. Once you have found them, classify them from the most impacting to the least impacting. You can also do a 20/80 analysis, that means identify the 20% of the sources that bring you 80% of your stress.

  • Ask yourself these questions : « What is the problem ? What is the cause of this stress in these sources ? What are the most serious consequences that I suffer of my experience ? »

  • Understand the emotion that created in these moments. Then check if it’s a real fear or rather a theoretical concern that doesn’t have much to happen in your life.

If a situation is truly unavoidable, you need to prepare yourself to accept it. We must give up the impossible because it’s extremely stressful to have no way to change a situation. To avoid this, you need to anticipate situations that may lead you into an impasse. Once these situations identified, you must try to really avoid them or change the course of things from the start.

It’s impossible to keep control of all things in your life. It’s useless to set inaccessible goals.

2nd step – anticipate and visualize

 

anticipate visualize telescope

 

 

The best way to handle stress is to anticipate. Based on the list you made in the first step (source of stress), imagine solutions and possible answers. Ask yourself these questions : « Why did you agree to be in this situation ? ». If what you do make sense, it limits the stress.

Decide how you want to live a situation. An event that happens to you can have not effect on you until you choose words to qualify it. If you say that an event is happy, boring, sad or extraordinary, it can become so. By qualifying the event, you modify the perception that you have of this event.

The way you see the event determines your body’s reaction. So take a moment to think before judging and classyfying a situation as negative.

Take Olivier Roland’s example. When Olivier Roland began to meditate, his neighbor’s dog was barking. At first it disturbed Olivier to focus on his breathing, it was stressful and annoying. After a while, Olivier realized that it wasn’t the barking dog that was stressful, it was Olivier’s interpretation of the situation. From the moment that Olivier decided that the barking dog was something neutral or positive, he began to appreciate when the dog barks. It’s a sign of life.

Imagination can be used to help fight stress. Get in shape before a stressful event. You can create a positive state of mind when an event is negative. Think of something positive like music, a holiday, projects in progress. Visualize a happy moment, a happy memory.

This the end of Part 1. In the 2nd Part, I talk about organize yourself and communicate and turn away or adapt and accept.

Share this article if you think it can help someone you know. Thank you.

-Steph

Fear Of Success (Part 1)

fear success

I watched an Oliver Roland’s video  and I learned good stuff

My Moment Of Clarity

morpheus matrix

In 2013 I realized that I was more afraid of success than being homeless. I went to another city for a job opportunity but it didn’t work. For several months, I spent my day with homeless people, illegals immigrants, good-for nothing people and drug addicts. All type of people that society puts aside and forgetting.

At first, I didn’t like this situation but over time I adapted and they accepted me. Now I think about it, I really learned to be a hustler with them. I mainly earned money with people from Africa (Nigeria, Ghana, Mali, Senegal, Congo, etc.) and people from Eastern Europe (Lithuania, Poland, Russia, etc). Often I was fighting on the street because people thought I was a nice little black boy. I train everyday at the gym. I ate 5 times a day. I had my laptop and I had 2 prepaid mobile phone.

But most of all, I felt free because I didn’t have a lot of bills to pay at the end of the month and I still had cash. There was not a days when my bank account was in the red and I promise you that it’s good.

Success in my team

team proud

In my team, there was a Congolese (I don’t say his name because he was a illegal immigrants). He had 4 children with 2 different women in another country and at the end of each month he asked me to have ideas to make more money. He was fed up with this situation, fed up with receiving welfare money that treated him like shit. He wanted to return to Congo and create a company. Now it’s cool, he has a good situation in Congo.

There was a Senegalese. He had a wife, a child and he worked at the airport. One day he lost his job at the airport and I don’t know all the details, but he lost everything. He couldn’t find work and his wife left him and kept the child. His wife didn’t want him to see his child, but she asked him for money. You see, a classic story.

This Senegalese told me that he needed more money because he was fed up with welfare that treated him as an illegal immigrant while he worked and paid his taxes like everyone else. He wanted more money to return to Senegal and start his own company. We worked well together and now he as a good situation in Senegal.

A few days after he left for Senegal, I watched a Gary Vaynerchuk’s video about building a legacy. Boom, I realized that I was more afraid of being rich that being poor because all my childhood I was in a middle classe environment or lower what had become my comfort zone. And my father often told me that I could never be rich.

Fear of success

fear

With my blog, I see that on internet, there are people who could have more success but they blocked. They’re stuck because of their state of mind because technically they are competent.

There are bloggers who have a good traffic and an email list that grew from day to day but as soon as they have to offer a paid service/product, they block.

This blockage is the fear of success. The fear of success is a fear of change. Definitely leaving the comfort zone for something else. If you succeed you will make more money but it will also change your life outside and the perception of yourself.

To be afraid is not something bad because it allows us to be attentive to everything, to have all our senses at their maximum capacity. You need to be attentive to everything when you’re in a unknown area.

Fear of failure is embedded in fear of success

fail michael jordan

But when you’re afraid of success, you are not only afraid of success. There are other fears that add to the fear of success. With the fear of success, you are also afraid of failure.

Think seriously about that. When you feel that you will succeed, it also means that you may fail. The worst time to fail is when you think you can succeed because it’s more painful. It more painful that doing something that is lost in advance.

It’s really comfortable to stay in your comfort zone, complain and do nothing.

This is the end of the 1st part. In 2nd part, I would speak about the fear of rejection which is also in the fear of success.

Share this article if you think it can help someone you know. Thank you.

-Steph

Sois Calme Et Ecoute

do the right thing

J’ai envie de partagé un truc avec toi, c’est parce que j’ai un ami qui a payé le prix d’un truc qu’il a fait il y a 5 ans. Comme toi, j’ai des amis qui traversent des mauvais moment dans leurs vies. Ce genre de choses m’est déjà arrivé et souvent je n’ai pas fait le bon choix. Quand on a de gros problèmes, nous ne voulons pas impliquer nos amis dedans parce que tout le monde à des problèmes.

Ce qui fait que je me sentais super seul, tu sais que les gens vont d’écouter mais ils ne vont pas t’aider à résoudre le problème car tu es le seul à pouvoir résoudre le problème et sincèrement tu ne t’attends pas à ce que les autres t’aident à résoudre le problème. Mais à la fin de la journée nous sommes toujours des être humains, nous avons des émotions, des sentiments et nous sommes tristes.

Des fois dans ce genre de situation, tu ressens la pression de faire quelque chose ou tu te dis : « Personne ne prend soin de moi alors ça ne sert à rien que je prenne soin de moi ». Quand tu penses comme ça, STOP, arrête ce que tu es en train de faire et respire profondément. Faits de bonnes choses qui puisse améliorer ta vie, je sais, c’est plus facile à dire qu’à faire. Mais crois-moi, j’ai aussi été dans ces situations. Tu te demande comment tu peux avoir le truc qui règle le problème le plus rapidement possible.

C’est la meilleur méthode pour bousiller ta vie. Il n’y a rien de mauvais à faire les bonnes choses pour améliorer ta vie ! Je me soucie pas de savoir combien de temps ça va prendre pour l’avoir, je ne me soucie pas de savoir à quel point le chemin est dur pour l’avoir parce qu’à la fin de la journée, je n’ai aucun remord, aucun regrets et je seras une personne plus fort quand le problème sera réglé. C’est comme ça que tu deviens une personne forte en prenant ce genre de décision.

Il y a des gens qui ne connaissent pas ce type de situations, qui ne se sont jamais bagarré pour obtenir quelque chose, qui n’ont jamais pris de décision qui change complètement une vie, qui n’ont jamais fait des choses qui sont réellement gênantes ou fait quelque chose qui les mettent dans une position instable. Que Dieu les bénissent, il y a rien de mal à ça tant mieux pour eux.

angel and evil do the right thing

Il y des personnes comme moi qui sont passé par ce type de situation et à un moment sur le chemin il y a toujours 2 options. Il y a le chemin « facile » qui est risqué, dangereux mais tu peux le faire, c’est possible et il y a pleins de trucs à gagner, tout de suite. Et l’autre, le chemin « dur », celui où il faut se lever tôt le matin, où tu es obligé de faire plusieurs choses dans la journée. Ça à l’air ennuyeux, monotones mais c’est ce chemin qu’il faut prendre parce que tu grandis, tu gagne de plus en plus de sagesse et tu deviens une meilleur personne. Entraînes-toi à rester positif et productif et surtout fait des choses légales.

Personne ne sais comment l’avenir sera, absolument personne et ça c’est vraiment cool parce que tu crées ton futur tous les jours. C’est comme planté une graine dans un sol fertile, tu auras une plante magnifique. Tu plantes une graine dans un sol non fertile, tu n’auras rien, tu aura une plante inutile. Ça peut t’aider un moment mais c’est temporaire et ça peut même t’enlever ta liberté, ta dignité, ton estime-soi ou ta vie.

Je peux parlé de ça parce que je l’ai vécu, j’ai été dans une situation où je n’avais personne à appeler, j’avais pleins d’amis, de camarades d’école, de collègues de travail, des gens autour de moi, pour aller faire la fête, acheter de l’alcool mais quand un gros problème arrive, où sont ces personnes ? Pas de mon côté, tu vois ce que je veux dire. Donc tu dois investir dans ta vie en plantant des graines dans des sols fertiles.

Ce que je veux dire c’est que souvent tu vas devoir prendre des décisions difficiles et choisir un chemin qui n’est pas glamour, pas de fête plusieurs fois dans la semaine. Mais écoute, cela fera de toi quelqu’un de solide, tu ce que obtiendra sera réellement à toi. Tu auras une meilleur estime de toi-même, tu ne t’inquiétera de rien parce que tu ce que tu auras, tu l’auras mérité.

Et ça c’est le début, c’est juste la création de ta fondation, de ta genèse parce que tu va grandir et tu vas continuer à avoir de bonnes choses. Maintenant dans ma vie, j’ai beaucoup d’excellentes opportunités mais j’ai eu des échecs, je ne vais pas te mentir, je ne suis pas un ange. J’étais dans de sales histoires mais j’ai appris. Des fois il faut que quelqu’un te dise ce que tu ne dois pas faire et des fois tu dois l’apprendre par toi-même de la façon difficile.

yourself do the rignt thing

C’était difficile pour moi et ça m’a donné la motivation de ne plus être dans cette situation, une situation où tu peux perdre ta liberté (prison), perdre la vie (se faire tuer). C’est pour cela que j ‘ai crée ma bulle, ma forteresse pour pour protéger tout ce que j’aime, c’est une bulle de sécurité.

C’est pour cela que je suis une personne qui parle tout le temps d’être positif, que je motive les gens, oui, bien sûr je parle d’entraînement mais il y a bien plus encore. Parler de fitness, c’est juste la pointe de l’iceberg.

Toi-même tu sais qu’après la pluie, il y a le soleil et la vie c’est pareil.

Il n’y a rien de mal à faire de bonnes choses pour ta vie, c’est une phrase simple mais elle est tellement vrai. Tout est mauvais quand tu fais une mauvaise chose.

Peut-être qu’il y a quelqu’un dehors qui est en train de faire un truc maintenant, cette personne est confuse et ne sait pas quoi faire. Fait les bonnes choses pour ta vie, si tu as besoin d’aide, demande de l’aide à quelqu’un, il y a toujours quelqu’un qui peut te donner un bon conseil et ce bon conseil peut te permettre de faire la bonne action qui t’amènera vers la solution.

do the right thing

J’ai vu des gens faire des choses qui les ont mis dans des situations que nous n’avions jamais imaginé et quand ça arrive, ça détruis ta vie et c’est trop tard, tu passe ton temps à regretter ton acte.

Tout ce que je te dis vient du coeur et je sais que tu le ressens. Alors fait tout ton possible faire les bonnes choses qui améliore dans vie et celles de tes futurs générations.

– Steph